I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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