Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
