new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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