I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
