I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
