Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There are leaves in my underwear?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
