just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
