I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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