Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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