so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize