I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
