you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
