I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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