never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
