we have officially lost it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
