Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you would pick up someone in the library
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
