Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
