she peed on how many people?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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