I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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