Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
