I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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