Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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