i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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