Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
