Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
