I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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