I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
