Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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