There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
