It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
