Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
