you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
