she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
