I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
