u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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