He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize