Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
you never un-have a 4some
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
