Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
