Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
