Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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