Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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