Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
