Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
