He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
