I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
