i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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