MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
