oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
