So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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