i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
