You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
