we'll go far in life on tits alone.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
