All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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