Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
