I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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