I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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