Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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