The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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