So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
