All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
