OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
