I wish I could punch you in the face.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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