I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
