2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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