you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
there was a trapeze. enough said
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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