I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
