I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
