No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
