she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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