i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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