I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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