He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
