I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
