Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
