how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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