so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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