we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
