I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
