just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
