I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
