Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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