Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
