Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
