does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize