O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
