Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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