I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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